Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
