Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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