get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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