Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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