I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's just like the Real World with babies
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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