She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
