There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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