Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
