actually, I'm a sock model
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
