LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
