you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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