just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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