tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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