I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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