Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
