A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
