i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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