3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
