Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
