Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
