pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
