Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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