dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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