You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
