Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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