im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
