It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
