ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
