why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
