I love black thongs
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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