What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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