Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
