we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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