guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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