So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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