best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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