I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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