I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Everclear isn't food dammit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
