so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
