If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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