I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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