Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
