sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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