dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
zippers are such a cool invention
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
