apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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