I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
porn star boner night. come get it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
