My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize