You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
