please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
