I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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