it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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