Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
