i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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