some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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