i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
