Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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