dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
