i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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