And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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