i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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