it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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