Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
