I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
