wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to be your penis for a week.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
