I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
