Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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