Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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