How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
