This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
