butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is the high leading the old right now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Randomize
