I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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