You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
