I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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