Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
