there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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