Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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