I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
